Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
