i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
