Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
