One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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