This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
