dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize