The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
