I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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