Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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