I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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