hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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