My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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