I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
