God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
