I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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