i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
