the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
