She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize