Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
