whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
