Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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