I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
