You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
