I puked a lego.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
