It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
