Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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