He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she peed on how many people?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
