what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
