i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
