Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Found the puke drawer
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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