God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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