I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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