You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
