Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
