after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
