Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I will pee on everything he values.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
