Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
