she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
