Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
