Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
