I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
