Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
