I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
