Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
