Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
