if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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