Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
