it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
