You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize