wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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