she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
