Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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