I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
