if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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