everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
