im six kinds of drunk right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
