True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
