I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
