I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
