i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
