too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
