Do you still have your period?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You are a genius and a whore.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
