just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
