i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
