not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
