I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
