why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize