i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
