No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
