the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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