mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
