so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
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