is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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