but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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