He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
