I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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