It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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