it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
His nipple licking is glorious
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