And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
