I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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