Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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