So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
