wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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